Standby Boy
by Juze
Summary: For years, he was her friend, the one she confided in, but when a new guy comes into her life, will he be content to continue to stay in the background, or will he finally confess how he really feels?  EPOV M for adult situations and language


**Standby Boy**

"Ugh, do I _have_ to go tonight?" Bella whined. Playfully tugging on her hair, I smirked at her reluctance. Personally, I would prefer if she didn't go, but it wasn't my call. Besides, I knew a certain pixie who would kill me if I tried to dissuade her.

"Bella, come on, it's your birthday. You only turn 29 every couple of years you know," I teased.

"Yeah, I know," she sighed, not even acknowledging my attempt at humor as she lowering her eyes, cutting off my view of their luminousness. "I just wish that you were able to come, too," she added with a grumble.

Her best friend, Alice, had decided that Bella needed to celebrate the last birthday of her twenties by having a 'girls only' party. Having been a part of her last three birthdays, it was vexing to suddenly be excluded.

Her words gave me a brief fluttering of hope, however, that maybe, just maybe, Bella could see me as more than just her good buddy. That maybe she would miss my presence for more than the fact that I wouldn't be there to make her laugh. That maybe she wanted me there because she knew deep down that the world only made sense when we were together. That maybe…

"I could really use a friend tonight." With one sentence, my heart plummeted as my hopes flew out the window, just as they always did. The truth was that Bella had always seen me as just a friend, and probably always would.

"Bella, you know very well that you're going to be surrounded by friends tonight," I told her, pressing down my disappointment. "You won't even miss me, you'll be having too much fun." Just saying the words saddened me, though I knew they were true, despite her playful countering.

"Of course I'll miss you! Besides, I need you to protect me from the clutches of the evil pixie when she goes overboard."

"Ah, so you need me for security detail. And here I thought it was just my rugged good looks and charm."

"Now why would I tell you that? You have a big enough ego as it is!" she said, casting me an overly innocent look before becoming somber. "Seriously, though, I wish you could come. I really don't know what Alice is thinking with the 'no boys' rule. I feel like I'm in middle school. We'll probably spend the night doing makeovers and gossiping about boys," she giggled.

Unbidden fantasies of Bella and her friends having a pillow fight danced through my head. I could almost picture them in their tiny pajama shorts and tight tank tops, jumping on and over the bed as they chased one another with their pillows. I indulged the conjured mental image of the certain body parts bouncing delightfully for a brief moment before focusing back on the conversation.

"I'm sure it won't be that bad," I consoled.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," she agreed with a sigh before exhaling firmly and moving to get up. "Well, let the torture commence," she grinned, grabbing her purse.

"So, same time, same place tomorrow?" I confirmed.

"Yup. I'll fill you in on all the details from the party." Bending slightly, she gave me a shoulder hug and a kiss on the cheek before exiting the coffee shop. Was it wrong that such a small amount of contact excited me enough that I could not immediately get up after her without broadcasting my feelings to the whole shop? Breathing deeply, I calmed myself, waiting for the tightness below to loosen before getting up to leave.

Walking back towards my office, I once again entertained thoughts about what Bella might be up to tonight. _Aw, dammit! I forgot to bring her present. Oh well, what's one more day?_

If only I'd known just how much of a difference a day could make.

* * *

The next day, I found myself once again spending my lunch hour sitting in the same coffee shop waiting for Bella.

She was late.

I was halfway through my drink when she whirled through the doors. Right away, I could see the difference. Her clothes looked as though she had gone to her closet and thrown on whatever was nearest. Her long hair was haphazardly thrown into a messy bun that looked as though she had done it while walking. The most telling change, however, was in her eyes. There was a fire in them that I had not seen before.

What in the world had happened to my Bella? Somewhere in the span of twenty-four hours, the polished exterior that she had worked so hard to create had crumbled. To the outward observer, Bella tended to come across as a cool professional—a bonus in the accounting world. Only a select few were allowed to see beyond her calm exterior to the spunky and sarcastic girl inside. I had been one of those select few. But even I had never seen her look like this.

She looked…alive.

"Oh my God, Edward, you are not going to believe what happened last night." She started speaking as soon as she reached our table, before I could even say hello. Grabbing my drink, she took a sip before continuing. "So, the party was going fine, nothing too exciting. It was actually pretty tame, which was unusual considering Alice had planned it. Anyway, I was just starting to relax when someone started banging on the door. When I got it, there was this unbelievably gorgeous guy in a UPS uniform saying he had a package for me." She paused for dramatic effect. "Alice got me a stripper!"

My jaw dropped. No wonder she had been so adamant about no males being allowed near the party. In truth, I was grateful after this revelation. There was no way I'd want some guy's ass shaking in my face.

Then my brain kicked into gear. My face may have been saved, but that still meant that some dude had waved his ass in Bella's face. _My_ Bella. Rage coursed through me, mostly aimed at Alice.

"She got you a stripper? What the hell was she thinking?" I ground out, attempting to play off the rage as disgust.

"I thought it was kind of fun actually." Her face fell at my tone. Guiltily, I watched the light dim from her eyes just a touch, knowing that I had been the cause. Determined to lighten the mood again, I asked her to continue. I had to admit that it was entertaining to see the way her face flushed recalling the moves Package Guy had done to, on, and around her. With extreme effort, I managed to keep a smile on my face, even joked with her at some points. Inwardly, I was seething with jealousy that this man, who had known her for mere hours, was allowed to touch her in a much more intimate fashion than I ever had, despite years of friendship. _Right, because you're her _friend_. Friends don't fondle other friends. They don't grab, or touch, or caress, or…_

I'm not sure when exactly I faded out into my own fantasies, but when I redirected my attention, I found that her story had taken an unwelcome turn.

"So then, after everyone else left, he stuck around and we started talking. It turns out he's a really nice guy."

"Yeah? What's his name?" _Sick bastard. Why are you torturing yourself?_

"Jacob." _Uh oh_. Her whole face seemed to light up just saying his name. _Fuck. She _likes_ him._ _Easy there, Cullen, let's not jump to conclusions. _

Despite my inward disinclination to learn any more about Box-Boy-Jake, I let her talk. Hell, I even asked questions of my own in some twisted need to size up my competition. What I found out was disturbing.

Jake-Of-The-Abs turned out to only be a part-time stripper. Most of his time was spent working as a local mechanic. He'd apparently been dared to strip for a friend's sister's birthday party, and discovered that he liked it so much he took on other gigs. _What kind of self-respecting guy actually likes parading around in a G-string and having women shove money into it?_ Sudden images of Bella doing that same thing to me, however, made the previously repulsive image suddenly seem not as disagreeable. _And there are the tight pants again. _

It was a slight comfort that He-Of-The-Body-Oil did not seem to have too much in common with her. From what I could tell, the night was spent with small talk and a little fun. I had no reason to suspect it had been more than a 'little fun' until Bella revealed that she was late because she had overslept and then taken too long saying goodbye to The-G-Stringed-One before she could get out of the house.

What the hell? He stayed over too? Not only did Fed-Ex-Pecs touch her inappropriately in front of her friends, he stayed to touch her even more in private, too? I say again, what the HELL!

Bella must have finally noticed my tension, because she stopped mid-sentence and asked me if I was all right. I did my best to convince her that I just had a touch of the stomach flu. Immediately, she went into Nurse Bella mode and started asking me about my symptoms and what I had eaten. Fortunately, my lunch hour was nearly over, and I was able to excuse myself to go back to work. Was it wrong that her concern over my non-existent ailment pleased me, perhaps a touch too much?

* * *

I had nearly forgotten my fake stomach bug until Bella showed up at my door with some soup from down the street. The fact that she remembered my favorite tortilla soup warmed me even more than the food itself. After assuring her that I was feeling much better and that the gesture, though welcomed, was unnecessary, we settled in to watch a new episode of Psych.

Her presence beside me was always a bitter relief. Relief that she was finally close enough to assuage the gaping hole her absence always produced—bitter because she was never really as close as I wanted her to be. Sitting next to me on the couch, her shoulder was pressed against my own as her legs curled underneath her small frame. If anyone looked at a snapshot of us in that moment, they might think that we were a couple. _Well, to be honest, they'd probably be wondering how the hell the guy in the picture had landed the gorgeous creature next to him. He hadn't. _

Eventually, Bella drifted off to sleep, her head slumping until it rested on my thigh. This was my favorite time to be with her, because I could stare at her face without making her uncomfortable. A bit pervy, I admit, but the satisfaction I derived from these rare, stolen moments were too precious for me to desire their cessation. Slowly, I allowed my fingers to gently stroke through her luxurious hair. My ministrations were rewarded by a gentle smile shaping her lips.

For a moment, I permitted myself to indulge in the fantasy that this was real, that Bella was my girlfriend and that the night was simply one of hundreds of similar nights. That in a few minutes I would pick Bella up, holding her against me as I carried her to bed and tucked her in before crawling in behind her. That I could curl my body around her, holding her close to my side as we both succumbed to the lure of sleep. That hers would be the first face I would see in the morning as I woke up beside her.

With a shake of my head, the dreams dissipated like a puff of smoke. The fact was that despite all of my dreams, they were just that. Dreams.

Because, as far as Bella was concerned, I was securely in the friend zone, with no chance of a reprieve, and the realization was agony.

With a sigh, I slowly extricated myself from underneath her. Gently, I slid my arms underneath her soft, limp body, scooping her up as I made my way into the spare bedroom. It was nights like this that assured me I had made the right decision in getting a place with an extra room. As much as I would have loved the excuse to get Bella sleeping in my bed, it would only serve to make her uncomfortable. Having a space for her to crash was a safety net, preventing her from ever using the excuse of being 'too tired to come over.'

Laying her on the bed, I tucked the blanket around her, lightly brushing the hair from her face. Unconscious, she smiled and leaned into my touch. It was another moment to file away into my memory. Another moment to give me hope that somewhere deep inside, she did care about me as more than just a friend.

Backing quietly out of the room, I closed the door silently behind me before rubbing my face in frustration. This wasn't the way it should be. I should be curled up next to her, not on my way across the hall. Dropping my hands in defeat, I turned away from her door. It was definitely time for another cold shower.

* * *

A delicious smell crept over me, singing to me and calling me out of my stupor. I didn't want to wake up. I was having a decadent dream involving Bella and various dessert toppings, but the call of pancakes proved too powerful for my stomach to ignore.

Still in a zombie state, I stumbled out of my room and into the kitchen. The sight before me was breathtaking. Bella was singing and swaying her hips to the music coming from the small speakers as she poured and flipped pancakes with practiced skill. Although I had witnessed similar scenes dozens of times in the three years I had known her, it never failed to ignite a feeling of rightness in my chest.

I must have made some sort of noise, because Bella looked up a moment later, a smile spreading across her face.

"Good morning, Sunshine!" she sang.

My response was some sort of a grunt of agreement as I blearily found my way to a stool at the counter. Beautiful or not, mornings were still not anything I welcomed with relish, even if they did have my Bella in them.

"Ooh, someone missed out on his requisite hours of sleep. What's the matter? Did you only get eight hours instead of ten?" she teased.

Refusing to dignify her smart ass comment with a remark, I maturely made a face at her and grabbed a pancake, foregoing a plate as I wolfed it down.

"Hey!" she yelped, slapping at me. "Use some freaking manners!" She shoved a plate into my hands and plopped a half-dozen pancakes on it, sliding the butter and syrup towards me. As I ate, I slowly woke up, gradually engaging in conversation with her, enjoying the relaxed start of the day.

All too soon, she started clearing the dishes, the typical precursor to her eventual departure.

"Where are you off to today?" I asked with trepidation, not entirely sure I wanted to know the answer. Her purposeful movements already told me that she was headed somewhere, and I had a gut feeling I wouldn't like the destination.

"Jacob said he wanted to take me for a bike ride today." Well that was unexpected. The bike part, not the Jacob part…unfortunately.

"But you don't ride bikes," I responded, furrowing my brows as I remembered her stories of disastrous attempts at riding a bike for any length of time. She claimed that there had been a malfunction in the bike itself, but what were the odds that every single bike she tried to ride would have something wrong with it? My inclination was to believe that the accidents were due to operator error.

"Not that kind of a bike," she clarified. "He's taking me out on his motorcycle."

"His _what_?" _What the hell is she thinking? She can't handle riding a manual bike, so she's going to ride one that has a motor on it? Does she have a death wish that I don't know about?_

"His motorcycle," her calm voice answered. "He has a Harley," she added, as if it would somehow explain her decision to attempt motorized death.

"I don't care if he has a Vespa, it's dangerous. You can't seriously be considering going for a ride on that thing."

"And why is that, _Dad_?" she scoffed, making me wince. Pinching my nose in defeat, I conceded.

"Fine, whatever. If you want to risk permanent brain damage, it's your decision."

"Thanks." Her face softened again as she reached out to squeeze my hand. Before she could draw away, I turned my palm, lightly grasping her hand.

"Just promise me one thing?" I pleaded. "Be careful."

"Always," she smiled, kissing me on the cheek before stepping away. "Now, I really need to go. He said he'd come by around noon, which is in an hour, and I still need to get home and take a shower."

"Or you could tell him you changed your mind and hang out with me all day," I suggested, wishing she would take me up on my offer, even while I knew she wouldn't. As I suspected, she laughed lightly at me before heading into the other room to gather the rest of her stuff.

Moments later, the door was closing behind her, and I was again left alone in the silence. Unbidden, images of Bella riding a motorcycle swam before my eyes. I could see her lithe body pressed tightly against the unknown male in front of her, leaning into the curves of the road. Her fingers clutching, pulling, clinging, caressing… Ugh! I needed to get out of here.

Throwing on whatever clothes met my hand first, I headed out. I didn't have a destination in mind, just a desire to not be where I was.

I settled for an outdoor café next to the park. The day was perfect, a fact recognized by everyone else in the city, as they were all outside enjoying the fresh air. Young couples roller-skated down the paths, older couples walked hand in hand, children laughed and played as their parents looked on with amusement, young families settled down for picnics. Some of them even had a freaking dog to complete the picture.

Glaring into my coffee, I wondered how I had somehow been transported into a Hallmark movie. Where was the gritty turbulence, the angst that drew out the worst in people? Where had that element disappeared to? It must have been concentrated in me, seeing as how I seemed to be the only person in the city who was unhappy.

The rumble of an engine pulled my gaze up as a motorcycle sped past and parked across the street. There were two riders, one male and one female, descending from the motorized contraption of death. As I watched, they removed their helmets, drawing close for what I could see from a distance was sure to be a searing kiss.

I knew that the female wasn't Bella, she didn't really resemble her at all, but the coincidence of seeing a brunette female riding a motorcycle was too much for me. Rising quickly, I threw down enough cash to pay for my coffee and fled.

Grateful that I'd managed to grab running shoes, I set off for a jog down one of the more secluded paths. The jog soon became a run, then a full out sprint, as the image of Bella willingly winding herself around another man pursued me.

I couldn't keep doing this. Either I had to cut Bella out of my life forever, or I needed to make her mine. I couldn't stay on the sidelines any longer. I couldn't watch her fall in love with someone else.

As my shoes slapped the pavement beneath me, my resolve firmed. Somehow, I would extricate myself from Bella's life…before my heart was ripped even more than it already was.

* * *

My decision to cut myself out of Bella's life lasted exactly two hours. That was how long it took for me to contemplate a life without Bella in it. Empty, cold, and meaningless.

That left only one other option: make her mine.

When Bella arrived back home after her date with Motor-Boy, I was waiting outside her door.

"Edward?" she asked in surprise.

I smirked at her. "Who else?"

"What are you doing here?"

"How was your date?" I hedged.

"Oh my gosh, so much fun!" she gushed, unlocking the door and leading me inside. For the next twenty minutes, I was relegated to the story of Bike-boy picking her up and sweeping her off to the outskirts of town, where he led her to a precipice overlooking the ocean. He then proceeded to entice her to go cliff jumping with him, which she resisted, thank God. When that failed, he settled for making her take a hike with him down to the shoreline.

"And how did that go?" I asked with a smirk. If there was one thing I knew about the girl, it was that she should never be asked to participate in anything that required her to coordinate moving limbs, not if you wanted her to stay vertical, that is.

"Oh shut up. I only fell down a couple of times," Bella snapped, much to my amusement. "Anyway, it was beautiful, and we walked along the waves holding hands. It was so sweet." She sighed, clearly lost in her reminisces.

"How did you get back up to the bike?" I wondered. The question seemed to have the effect of a bucket of cold water, as the dreamy haze instantly left Bella's face.

"He had to climb back up to get it," she grumbled.

"You mean he left you there all alone so he could climb a mountain?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well it was either that or risk certain death by trying to climb up with him," she responded defensively.

"Nice planning," I mumbled. Bella didn't respond, so I wasn't sure if she didn't hear me or if she was simply choosing to ignore my comment.

"In any case, he came back down with the bike, and he took me home," she finished, slightly pouting.

"That was it?"

"Well…"

"Come on, out with it." _Why am I asking for more details? Right, because I'm a masochistic moron._

"I think I'll keep the details to myself for the moment. They're a bit too steamy for polite company," she winked. _She fucking winked! What the hell did that mean?_

"Since when are we classified as polite company?" I teased. _Shut up! Why do you want to hear about her make-out time with Leather-Britches?_

"There is that," she conceded. Glancing over at the clock, she suddenly shot up. "Oh crap, look at the time! I need to get going. I'm set to head over for Alice's in half an hour!"

"God forbid you keep the demon fairy waiting," I scoffed. I'd always been perplexed at the odd friendship the two unlikely girls had formed. They were polar opposites in every way imaginable. I had no idea how they were able to remain friends for so long.

I was in the middle of being unceremoniously thrown out when Bella suddenly seemed to remember that my presence had been unexpected.

"What the hell are you doing here anyway?" _Ah, her delicate way of phrasing is perhaps what I love the most_, I laughed inwardly.

"Nothing important. I'll talk to you later." I shut the door behind me and made my way out to my car. Yeah, 'nothing important' was right. I had originally come over with the intent of confessing how I felt about her. In my fantasies, I caught her unexpected and swept in for a kiss. She'd be shocked at first, but she'd quickly warm up. The kiss would lead to a confession of our true feelings, and then to other activities.

_Sigh_.

Yeah, I might as well file that away with all of my other fantasies that would never come true. The minute I'd seen her face, I knew that there was no way I'd be confessing anything to her today. She'd looked so happy coming back from her date. There was no way I'd ruin that for her. Okay, so maybe Stripper Boy seemed like an unworthy idiot, but he appeared to make her happy, and her happiness was what was most important.

Alright, I admit, I was also chicken shit. I didn't want to risk her turning me away. I'd convinced myself that it was better to be in her life as a friend than to be barred entrance into her life at all. Somehow, I had to just take what I could get and learn to be content with it.

_Fuck my life._

* * *

As the weeks passed, my time with Bella became increasingly shorter. She'd arrive late or not at all to our lunch meetings, and any spare time she had was filled with Jacob.

_Jacob_. I couldn't even think his name without adding a sneer, though I tried to never let on around Bella. If she'd caught on to my dislike for the guy, who I still had yet to meet in person, she never let on. No, she rambled on and on and _on_ about him every chance she got. I now knew his favorite movies, the way his butt looked in jeans, and exactly how dreamy his dark eyes and dimples were. It was way more information than I ever desired to have about another dude.

At the moment, Bella was recounting the latest adventure he had swept her up in, this time involving a kayak. As she prattled, I allowed my mind to wander. She had started styling her hair a bit differently lately. Instead of the prim French twist that I was used to, she had swept half of her hair up into a clip, letting her natural curls cascade across her shoulders and down her back. I was particularly intrigued by a stubborn tendril that had escaped the clasp, dancing and flirting with the light breeze that brushed over us. My focus so fixed on the lock of hair, that I'd completely missed what she had said, and needed to ask her to repeat herself.

"I was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with me and Jake tomorrow," she huffed, irritated at my inattention. _If only she knew just where my attention had been, I wonder if she'd still be so upset…yeah, she'd probably be even angrier._

Although I could think of a million forms of torture that I'd rather endure than sit and have dinner watching Bella swoon over her new boy toy, such as having my eyelashes individually plucked out, I found myself agreeing when she turned on the puppy eyes. _I knew it was a bad idea for her to hang out with Alice so much. Now she's picking up her greatest weapon!_

"Great!" Her enthusiasm was contagious, and I smiled along with her until I heard the next sentence. "There's someone I want you to meet. I think you're really going to love her." _Say what, now? When the hell did this turn into a blind double date? It's like the two worst possible scenarios colliding into a perfect storm situation._

"Who am I meeting?" I mentally patted myself on the back at the nonchalance of my tone.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Come on, Edward. It's not going to be that bad." _Okay, so maybe not as nonchalant as I thought_. "Her name is Tanya, and she works in my office. She's charming, and funny, and gorgeous as hell. I think you'll get along great!"

"Looking forward to it," I forced out with a tight smile.

* * *

Tanya was everything Bella had promised. She was indeed charming, funny, and undeniably pretty. Of course, she was also irritatingly flirtatious and had the most annoying laugh I had ever heard. It was one of those high pitched laughs that made you brace yourself for the inevitable howling from nearby animals that would surely follow the sound. And it seemed that everything, and I do mean _everything_, was absolutely hilarious.

Jake-The-Great was also much like I had expected. He was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. And he knew it too. Halfway into the evening, I noticed that he couldn't pass a reflective surface without checking himself out. And as if that wasn't enough, he seemed very aware of every female in the place, despite the fact that he had the most beautiful woman in the world currently tucked into his side. I noticed the way his eyes flickered across the room when Bella was otherwise occupied. The prick.

Determined to be civil, if only for Bella's sake, I attempted to engage him in conversation. Yeah, that went over real well.

"So, Bella tells me you're a mechanic."

"Uh huh." _Oh-kay. Let's try again._

"Been doing that long?"

"Yup." _Seriously? Is he capable of complete sentences?_

"And she mentioned that you do some other work on the side?"

"Huh?" _Not the brightest penny in the fountain, is he?_

"How the two of you met? You were the, uh, entertainment?" _Let's see if he can follow this train of thought._

"Oh! You mean the stripping!" _Classy. _"Yeah, I've been doing that for awhile now. Good money, and it's pretty fun."

"I thought you looked familiar!" Tanya chose this moment to pipe up, joining the ridiculous conversation. "You came to my cousin's graduation party. Irina Slovensky."

"Irina…blonde hair, killer rack, and the huge house with the banister?"

"That's her," Tanya giggled. Again. Meanwhile, I kept a lookout for horny felines that were sure to follow what sounded hauntingly like a she-cat in heat.

Tanya and Shake n' Jake began talking animatedly as they realized that they knew many of the same people. Every time one of them would mention a name, the other would laugh and respond with 'you know her/him too?' After a half dozen repetitions, it became a bit tedious.

Looking over at Bella, I tried to gauge how she was faring throughout the ordeal. She sat quietly, listening with a small, sweet smile on her face, but she wasn't fooling me. I saw her thumb tapping away on the table and the barely noticeable tightness around her eyes. I could tell that she was becoming irritated, even if it was imperceptible to everyone else. Perhaps most oblivious was the behemoth beside her. He prattled away, clearly not registering the fact that he had been ignoring his date for a good quarter hour, being too caught up in reminiscing with the buxom blonde who had suddenly begun a habit of flicking her hair over her shoulder with every other sentence.

Managing to catch Bella's eye, I lifted my eyebrow, silently conveying my acknowledgment of the absurdity that the evening had been reduced to. She smiled back, but the twinkle of humor that I had been accustomed to seeing was decidedly missing. She looked on the verge of being pissed.

I couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

On the one hand, maybe she'd be pissed enough to chuck Jakey Boy to the side of the road. More ominous, however, was the fact that she typically never bothered getting upset over anyone she didn't care about.

_Shit. Please let her be annoyed because of the first reason?_

By the end of the meal, I still didn't have an answer. When the bill was placed on the table, I reached for it, half expecting a protest to come either from Jake or Tanya, but none came. Tanya was not a total surprise, though her actions did prove that I was right in deciding to not ask for a repeated adventure with her. Not that I would have let her pay, but it would have been nice if she'd at least offered. Bella had already been trained to know that attempting to pay while out with me was futile, but Tanya didn't know that yet.

As for the meat-head, I was disgusted that he didn't at least make a show of being willing to pay. Shouldn't we have at least split it between our two dates? Perhaps my surprise was unwarranted. After all, he had at no time demonstrated the ability to look beyond himself during the course of the evening, so why would I expect him to act any differently at the end of the meal?

I silently paid the bill and we all rose to leave. I helped Tanya into her coat as a reflex dating back to my mother's training throughout my early teens. My jaw clenched as I watched Bella struggle into her own coat while Jack the Jerk surreptitiously eyed the waitress, who was currently bent over to take the order of an elderly couple. She was leaning close so that they could hear what she was saying, but all he seemed to care about was the fact that the action put her derrière in perfect position to be admired.

What was truly infuriating was the fact that Bella did not seem to even realize that the actions were inappropriate. She actually saw nothing wrong with the way that she was being treated. My head began spinning with all of the ways that I would spoil her if I ever had the chance. For once in her life, she'd be treated like the princess she was. She would know her worth because I would make it my personal mission to remind her of it on a daily basis.

My fantasy broke like the bursting of a soap bubble when I caught movement from the corner of my eye. Having successfully wrangled her coat into submission, Bella had reclaimed the arm of her infuriating meat-head. Her body was now securely wrapped around him, holding onto his arm as if it were a lifeline keeping her from floating away. Looking up, she gave him a beautiful smile, as if he held the keys to all the happiness in the world. And the prick could barely deign to give her a half-assed smile in return. The scene was nauseating.

A tugging sensation to my left drew my attention. Looking down, I saw Tanya twined around my own arm, batting falsely extended lashes in my face. Forcing a smile, I quickly looked away, half dragging her to the door in my haste to escape the debacle that had become of the evening.

Tucking my date into a taxi with all the grace of a college student trying to overfill a washing machine, I turned to watch Bella climb onto the back of Jacob's motorcycle just before he pealed out of the parking lot. She wasn't even wearing a helmet.

_It's not my problem. If she wants to be an idiot and risk her own life, that has nothing to do with me. Unfortunately._

* * *

"So…what did you think of Tanya?" Bella's voice was a welcome break from the tedium of my day. Her question, however, was not.

"Please promise me that you will never set me up on a blind date again," I groaned into the receiver.

Bella snorted. "Come on, she's not that bad."

"Not that bad? You are kidding me right? Did you somehow fail to notice the way her laugh was summoning all of the cats in the city? I swear I saw a line of them chase her taxi when she left."

Her laughter came back to me, nearly making up for the experience by being able to use it to inspire the sound. Nearly.

"You are so mean," she scolded halfheartedly.

"Guilty. So, what are your plans this evening? Any chance I might get to see my beautiful, elusive friend?"

More giggling. God, I loved that sound.

"I'm not sure about the adjectives, but yes, I'm free. Are you thinking dinner?"

"Dinner would be great. Mexican?"

"Hm, I just had Mexican last night with Jake. How about that Thai place we went to awhile ago? I'm craving papaya salad."

"One order of Som Tam, check," I smiled, disregarding the fact that she would not be able to see me.

We spoke for a bit longer before disconnecting to return to our respective jobs. The effect of which was that I spent the next hour mindlessly smiling at things that had nothing smile-worthy about them. It was amusing, however, to see the odd looks I was garnering from my co-workers.

* * *

I was ridiculously over-excited for dinner that night. It was hardly the first time Bella and I had had dinner, but the occasions were far too few and far between for my liking, and it had been far too long since I had last spent time alone with her.

Settling into the booth, I went ahead and ordered while I waited for her. As I sat there, I began plotting about where I'd like the conversation to go tonight. I was determined that I'd try to find a way to stop being such a pansy and fight for her.

Tonight, I was going to tell her how I felt about her. I was about ninety percent sure that I would. Well, maybe eighty percent…seventy-five at the lowest, but I was still pretty damn certain that I'd tell her tonight. Maybe. All I had to do was find a way to work it into the conversation.

_Hi, Bella. How was your day? Pleasant, I hope. By the way, I've been meaning to tell you something for the last few years. I am ridiculously attracted to you and I think you are the single most amazing person whom I have ever met. Have you tried the cashew chicken here yet? It's really quite delicious._

Yeah, that was sure to go over real well.

Each time the door opened, my head swiveled around to see if it was her. In retrospect, I probably should have taken the seat facing the door, but I figured that it didn't matter too much. The seat that I had saved for Bella faced the window, which had a pretty garden and fountain that I knew she liked to look at while she ate. I would be more than content to look at her.

I had arrived a bit early, so when Bella did not show up right away, I was unconcerned. She tended to run a bit late these days.

The food arrived while I was waiting. It smelled delicious, the Pad Thai making my mouth water, but I refrained from starting to eat, waiting for Bella to come first.

A half hour later, my food had turned cold, her Som Tam was becoming limp, and there was still no Bella. Finally, a message blinked on my phone.

_So sry, Jake srprised me w/ nte out. Rnchk?_

Defeated, I signaled the server who had been stopping by my table in increasingly longer intervals and asked for the check and for the food to be boxed up.

At home, I tossed my keys and the food on the counter and then tossed myself on the couch. The night had not turned out as I had hoped. In fact, it had turned out quite unpleasant in light of what I had anticipated. Instead of sitting with my Bella, I had sat alone, with only curious, pitying looks from the staff and other diners as my companions. The experience of being publicly stood-up was an especially strong one. If it had been anyone else, I could have simply shrugged it off, but Bella's rejection had hurt far worse, and I knew the reason why.

I was in love with her.

* * *

Finally acknowledging my feelings for Bella in no way prepared me for the next time I saw her. In fact, it made it decidedly more uncomfortable, for me at least.

"Hey, friend!"

Her customary greeting grated even more than usual.

"Hey, Bella." I could hardly work up my typical level of enthusiasm, even though I knew my mellow response would likely arouse suspicion.

She didn't disappoint, taking a seat across from me at what I had termed in my mind as 'our table.' Although I kept my focus on the coffee in front of me, I could feel her eyes assessing me.

"All right, spill. What's wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?" I evaded.

"Is it work? How did that presentation go last week? I thought that they'd liked it."

"No, no. Work is fine. Good, actually."

"What is it then? Is your family okay? Esme? Nothing has happened, has it?" Her voice cracked a bit showing her anxiety at the thought of something being wrong with my mom. It just made the pain worse, knowing how easily she'd fit into my life.

"Esme is fine," I assured her, finally looking into her beautiful brown eyes.

"Good," she exhaled, relieved. A look of contemplation flashed across her face before her next question. "So if it's not work and it's not your family…it isn't girl problems, is it?"

My flush answered her question for me.

"Oh my God, Edward! Why didn't you tell me earlier? Who is she? What's the problem? Maybe I can help."

"I'm afraid it's not that simple," I chuckled darkly.

"Let me guess, you're the one making it not be simple. You really need to stop over thinking these things, you know. Try going with the flow for once."

"Go with the flow? I'm not really a floater. I'd probably sink," I said, earning a laugh from her.

"Come on," she said, standing up. "Let's go for a walk. It's too pretty to sit inside all day. Besides," she continued, "you need a little variety in your life. Maybe you'll even learn to swim."

Ten minutes later found us walking along a small path in a nearby park. Children too young to be in school were yelling and playing under the careful scrutiny of their caretakers. Most people were in school or working, leaving the majority of the place quiet and private.

"Okay," she said, breaking into my thoughts of a life with children and a wife I loved. "The time has come. Who is she?"

I didn't trust the wicked gleam in her eye. She was probably scheming about how she would arrange for me to come into constant contact with the mystery girl, unaware that I had been in close proximity to her already to no avail.

"Why should I tell you? Just so you can play matchmaker?"

"You're no fun," she whined. "Fine, don't tell me who she is. Can you at least tell me about her?"

This would be tricky.

"Well…she's smart, funny, and beautiful, of course."

"Of course. Isn't every girl who's ever been admired by a guy?" she winked.

"Smart ass. She actually _is_ smart, funny, and beautiful."

"Okay, so what's the problem?"

"She only sees me as a friend."

"And you want to be something more?" she clarified.

"Yeah." 'Something more' was an understatement.

"Have you tried telling her?"

"Well, it's a bit tricky. She has a boyfriend she seems to be crazy about."

"Seems to be?" Crap, she'd caught that.

"All evidence points to her being completely infatuated with him, even though he's a douche who doesn't deserve her."

"A douche, eh? And the fact that you're completely jealous has nothing to do with your assessment?"

"I'm not jealous," I defended myself, though I caved at her disbelieving look. "Fine, maybe I'm a _little_ jealous. But he really is a douche."

"I'm sure he is," she soothed. "So how long has this been going on, anyway?"

"For three years now," I confessed.

"Three years? Damn it, Edward. You've been keeping this from me for _years_? How am I just now hearing about this?"

"Well, it's a bit awkward…"

"Wait, do I know her?"

"You could say that." I was grateful that we were walking so I didn't have to look at her while I talked. It made it strangely easier.

That and the fact that she thought we were talking about someone else.

"Hold on, it's not Alice, is it?"

A shocked laugh erupted from my throat. "Alice? No, it's not Alice. How the hell did you come up with that?"

"You said it's been going on for years, that she's dating someone she seems to love, and that I know her. I'm not sure who else it could be. I can't think of any other girl whom you've known for years. Well, except for me, but that would just be ridiculous."

"Would it?" I gazed at her deeply, watching the pulse jump in her throat at the suddenly serious turn the conversation had taken.

"Edward?" My eyes met her questioning ones. At that point, I knew that she knew. Or at least, she was very close to knowing. Fuck it. I was tired of hiding.

Stepping closer to her, I slowly raised my hand, carefully allowing my fingertips to brush over her cheek. Watching carefully for any signs of unwillingness, I allowed my palm to settle against her skin. Although she did seem surprised, I didn't see the revulsion or rejection that I'd feared. Leaning towards her, I lowered my lips to brush against hers.

Soft.

Warm.

Delicious.

She tasted like the mocha that she had recently sipped. I pressed my mouth against hers a bit more, pulling gently on her bottom lip. My thumb slowly stroked her cheek, mimicking the motion of my lips.

As long as I lived, I would always remember the feel of her skin against my own. Time seemed to stop as I eagerly soaked in as much of the sensation as I could, dreading the inevitable ending.

When I felt a slight tugging on my hair, I worried that she was preparing to pull me away, but when her lips began moving against my own, I was taken to a whole new level of sensory overload. I'd been wrong. _This_ was the feeling that I would never forget for as long as there was breath in my body.

I had no idea how long we stood there, slowly, chastely, kissing and touching. It may have been a minute, or an hour. Time no longer mattered. Nothing mattered except for the woman in my arms.

The tinkling tune of the Minute Waltz chirped merrily along from her purse, breaking the private bubble we had created away from the rest of the world. Slowly, unwillingly, I drew back, my eyes never leaving her face as I searched the emotions that danced across it. Although she displayed a myriad of emotions, when sadness was the one that stayed, my heart plummeted.

"Jake." One word and the ground opened up beneath me, swallowing me whole.

Shakily, I retreated a step, lifting hands that had recently been tangled in her hair to tug on mine.

"It's okay, Bella. I get it." I turned to leave, but her voice stopped me.

"Edward!" I froze but didn't turn back to her. "Damn it, Edward, would you just…turn around and look at me!"

Slowly, I turned. She was standing there with her arms crossed over her stomach, uncertainty and something else battling within her.

"Three years, Edward. Three years, and you wait until now to tell me?"

"I'm sorry, I…"

"Stop," she interrupted me. "Just stop. It's my turn now." My eyes widened at the uncharacteristic firmness in her voice.

As I stood rooted to the ground, Bella slowly began walking towards me.

"Why now, Edward?" she asked quietly. "Why wait until now? You've had three years. Why wait until I was with someone else?"

I was speechless, which was just as well, because she was clearly not waiting for an answer.

"I'm with Jake now, Edward. For the first time in my life, I'm with someone who makes me _feel_. I never thought I'd do the kind of things I've done lately. I never thought I'd be able to. I'm having fun. He's making me fun."

"But does he make you happy?" I couldn't help asking.

"Of course." Her mouth said the words, but her eyes did not look convinced.

"Do you really think that it's Jake who is making you fun? You were always fun."

"Then why were you uninterested until I was with him?" she challenged.

"Weren't you listening? I told you that I've wanted to be with you for three years."

"And you did nothing until I started acting differently. What else am I supposed to think? You didn't really want me until I started loosening up, and I don't know if…"

"You think I'm saying this to you now because I _like_ the way you've changed?"

"What else am I supposed to think?" she repeated.

"Bella, that's not the reason why."

"Then what is it?"

"It's because I can't fucking stand the thought of anyone else being with you!" The volume of my voice surprised both of us. Taking a calming breath, I continued at a more moderate level. "Bella, do you have any idea how much I've hated these last few months, seeing you with him, knowing that it should have been me?"

I stepped forward, closing the gap between us. "Knowing that he was touching you, kissing you, I can't tell you how much it killed me. To you, I was just some guy you were friends with. Just a friend. I don't want to just be friends with you anymore. I'm sorry, but it's not enough for me. I want to be with you."

Watery eyes looked up at me, scrutinizing me. Slowly, she stretched up on her toes until her face was mere millimeters away. For a brief moment, I thought she was going to kiss me, but her lips took a sudden detour away from my mouth to touch against my ear as she gripped me in a tight embrace.

"I've always wanted you too," she breathed out before stepping back. "But it's too late. I'm with someone else now. I'm not going to stop seeing him just because you suddenly decided that you want to be with me. I'm sorry."

Turning around, she left, leaving me speechless and rooted where I stood.

_Fuck._

* * *

The rest of the week passed without any word from Bella. Not that I blamed her, of course. I knew as well as she did that the next time we met would be awkward at best.

When the next week was similarly silent, I began to grow a bit concerned. Where was she? We'd never gone so long without talking before, seldom going more than a few days without some form of communication.

By the end of the third week, I was growing a bit desperate. Desperate enough to do the previously unthinkable. I called Alice.

"Well, well. To what do I owe the honor of this unexpected phone call? As if I don't already know." Her condescension made me grit my teeth, but I refrained from hanging up.

"Hello, Alice. I was just wondering if you'd heard from Bella."

"Now why would you ask me that? Haven't you heard from her?" Her false confusion grated on me.

"Cut the shit, Alice. I'm sure you know everything that's happened. I just want to make sure that she's okay."

"Why don't you call and ask her yourself?" she goaded.

"You know damn well why I'm not just going to call her."

"I know why she's not calling you," Alice countered. "She's embarrassed and confused. What I don't know is why you're avoiding her."

"Alice, she told me she didn't see me that way. I'm sure the last thing she wants right now is to talk to me."

"What Bella wants and what she needs isn't always the same thing, you know. What happened to wanting to be with her? Did you even mean it?"

"Of course I fucking meant it," I growled. "Do you think I'd really say everything I did if I didn't?"

"How should I know? All I see is someone who claimed to be in love with a girl, only to give up on her at the slightest resistance."

I had no response. Though I wanted to argue that she was wrong, that she had no idea what she was talking about, I could see that she was right. Damn it.

Taking my silence for acquiescence, she continued.

"Take my word for it, if you really want to be with her, you need to man up and let her know that it's not just a transient thing for you; unless it really is, of course, in which case you damn well better stay the hell away from her."

With her last pearl of wisdom delivered, she disconnected the line, leaving me staring into empty space.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to stop being such a damn pansy and man up. It was worth a shot, anyway. After all, she'd already rejected me. Getting rejected again couldn't hurt that much more, right? Yeah, as if I needed any more evidence of my masochistic tendencies, let's try getting my pride broken along with my heart. Sure, why not.

Saturday morning, and I was standing in front of Bella's door, attempting to psych myself up into knocking. I was just about to, I swear I was, when the door suddenly opened under my raised hand.

A startled Bella looked up at me, trash bags dangling from one hand.

"Edward! Holy crap, you scared me."

"Um, hi." _And the award for most eloquent speech goes to…_

She looked around nervously, not making eye contact. "Do you…uh, do you want to come in?"

"Sure, but aren't you going out?" I asked, gesturing to the bags in her hand. She looked down, as if trying to remember what the bags were doing in her hand.

"Oh, right. Um, you can come in, and I'll just be a minute, okay?"

Squeezing past me, she left the door open in an invitation for me to go inside. I watched her scamper down the stairs and out of sight before I turned to go inside. At first glance, the place seemed just the same as usual, but as I looked closer, I could see that something was indeed different.

The entire place was completely _spotless_. Not that she wasn't typically neat, but it was clean to the point of looking like a model home. There wasn't a speck of dust or a smudge to be found.

Shit.

I knew that she was a stress cleaner, and by the look of the place, she had been under a lot of stress lately. Fearing what I might find, I ventured into the kitchen. Sure enough, I saw them. Cookies. Cupcakes. Pies. But it got worse.

Fresh bread.

Fuck.

The last time she'd made fresh bread was when her mother made insinuations about Bella's sex life, or lack thereof, and tried to help by telling her stories of how she had bagged various men. Bella had been so disturbed that only the rhythmic pounding of dough could drive the images away. She'd told me once that she saved making bread for when she really needed to escape her head.

I was still contemplating the meaning behind the baked goods when I heard the door close behind me. Turning around, I saw Bella leaning against the wall, as if she was afraid to come any closer.

Deciding I had to break the ice, I spoke first. "I see you've been busy."

"Yeah," she ducked her chin down a bit, not adding any additional commentary.

"How have you been?" I asked the question I desperately needed to have answered.

"Fine," she shrugged noncommittally.

"Come on, Bella. It's me. How are you really doing?" I challenged softly.

That definitely got a reaction. Her head shot up and she glared at me.

"What do you want me to say, Edward? Do you want me to tell you how I can't sleep at night because I'm so confused? Do you want to hear about how nothing makes sense anymore, or how I'm questioning everything I thought I knew? Or maybe you want to hear about how I've missed you so much that it hurts. Is that what you want, Edward?"

Throughout her tirade, we'd been taking small unconscious steps towards each other until I found to my surprise that she was suddenly within arm's reach. As her voice cracked on her last sentence, I knew that my attempt at composure was pointless. Taking one more step, I pulled her into my arms, resting my cheek against her head.

"I've missed you too." Instantly, her stiff body melted and her arms came up to reach around my waist.

We stood there for some time, just soaking in each other's presence. For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace. I was home.

Eventually, we both withdrew, smiling in acknowledgment of our reunion. Even though I was reluctant to break the moment, I knew I had to ask the hated question.

"Where's Jacob?"

Her smile slid off. "Gone."

My eyebrows shot up. "Gone?"

"We broke up a few weeks ago," she sighed.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"You know what happened," she glared at me sardonically.

"No, I really don't."

Sighing again, she continued. "Well, I thought a lot about what you said—about you asking if he made me happy. I really did think that I was happy, but when I stepped back and thought about it, well, it…it just wasn't…me. It was exciting and fun. He was new, but I don't think he ever saw me. Not the real me.

"Anyway, we were just sitting on the couch one night watching TV. He wanted to make out. I wanted to watch the news for a bit. We started fighting, and I realized that neither of us had any idea who the other person was. Everything was so physical that there was no depth. So, I broke up with him."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why do you think? How awkward would that conversation be? 'Hi Edward, how are you? You know that guy I was dating who I used as a reason not to be with you? Well, we broke up. So what were you saying earlier about being crazy about me?' Yeah right."

"So, he was just an excuse, then?"

"Of course he'd catch that," she muttered under her breath, making my timid smile grow.

"Yes," she said, a bit louder.

"Yes what?" I said, wanting to hear her say it.

"Yes, I used Jacob as an excuse. Are you happy?"

"Hardly," I frowned. "Why did you need an excuse?"

"Edward, what was I supposed to do? Did you expect me to confess that I've been incredibly attracted to you for years in every sense of the word and jump into your arms? I'm still not sure why you waited until now to tell me that you like me. Did you think I'd come running the moment you snapped your fingers like a little puppy? That I'd be so desperate that…"

"Bella, no!" I interrupted, horrified by this look into her inner thoughts. "No, I didn't think you'd come running, but I hoped…God, I don't know what I hoped. I hoped that maybe you'd be happy, that maybe you felt the same way, but I never expected… Shit, I can't do anything right."

Stumbling backwards, I collapsed onto a chair, rubbing my eyes vigorously into my palms.

"I'm sorry, Bella. If I've done anything to make you feel that you weren't important to me, I truly am sorry." Lifting my head, I rose to stand directly in front of her again. Throwing caution, as well as any attempt at pretense, out the window, I cradled her face between both of my hands.

"Bella, I'm in love with you." Her breath hitched, but I pushed forward anyway. It was time to lay it all out on the table. No more games. "I've been in love with you for nearly three years now, and it has nothing to do with the way you've been acting lately. I know you're scared. So am I. But I need you to know that it's not going to change. I'm not going to change my mind. I know that I don't deserve your love, but I'm asking you for a chance. Please give me a chance to try and show you how much you mean to me. Please just…let me love you. Please."

Doubt, uncertainty, and hope warred in her eyes as she slowly stretched up. Stopping a breath away from me, she said one word that ignited a fire in my chest.

"Okay."

Closing the gap, her lips caressed mine as my mind attempted to understand what she had just said. _'Okay.' She said 'okay?' She's giving me a chance!_

While my mind struggled to create coherent thought, my body had no such compunctions as I tightened my embrace around her. One hand splayed across the small of her back while the other tangled in her long hair.

Tilting her face, I deepened the kiss as her fingers tightened on my back. My kisses began to wander, trailing down across her throat as her breaths transformed into gasps. One of her hands began working its way under the hem of my shirt, igniting the skin that it touched.

When she began to tug it upwards, I pulled back to look at her questioningly. "Are you sure?"

In response, she pulled my shirt completely off. Letting her fingers lazily trace patterns over my chest, she answered. "I'm sure."

* * *

Rude sunbeams knocked relentlessly against my closed eyelids, calling my body from its restful state. I didn't want to get up. I'd been having an amazing dream about Bella and me finally getting together.

In my dream, I had finally owned up to my real feelings about her, only to find that for some reason, my feelings were reciprocated. I'd dreamed that we had spent the night talking, holding, kissing, and caressing.

Finally unable to resist the sun's call, my eyelids flicked open.

I wasn't in my room.

My brow furrowed as I tried to place where exactly I was. It was familiar, I knew that, but I couldn't remember why.

A small movement to my left caught my attention, and I turned to see long brown hair spilling across the pillow next to me.

Bella.

It hadn't been a dream.

Smiling to myself, I let out a contented sigh. In that moment, there was nowhere else that I'd rather be.

She must have heard my noise, because Bella rolled over, scooting her body closer to mine, though she kept her eyes shut.

"Mmm. Morning."

"Good morning." I placed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

At my voice, she shot up, staring at my with wide doe eyes.

"Edward?"

"Um, yes?" _Not the reaction I was expecting. Oh shit, what if she thinks last night was a mistake? God, please, no!_

"Edward," she repeated softly, raising one hand to gingerly trace my cheek. "You're really here."

"Yes," I whispered, afraid to speak too loudly and break the moment.

"Did last night really happen?"

"Yes." _Wow, my conversational skills are extraordinary this morning. _Sitting up, I mirrored her hand that was still tracing my face, allowing the end of my fingertips to play over her flawless skin.

Suddenly, she was pressed against me, her arms holding me tightly as if she were afraid that I'd disappear. Stroking her back, I tried to make comforting sounds as I held her, tightening my grip when I felt the tell-tale shaking of her crying.

"It's okay, Bella. It's okay. I'm here."

"I know," she sniffled. "That's why I'm crying." My body froze. Did she want me to leave?

"I'm so happy," she continued, restarting my heart as well as my movements.

"You could have fooled me," I chuckled.

"Say it again?" she asked, leaning back to look at me.

"Say what?"

"Do you really love me?"

I smiled. "Yes, Bella. I love you."

"And you're not going anywhere?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

Settling back against me, she let out a deep breath. "Good, because I love you too."

"Say it again?" I couldn't resist asking, needing to hear the words again.

"I love you," she replied.

"Again."

Looking up, she said it again. "I love you."

"Again," I whispered, leaning down towards her.

"I love you," she said against my lips.

"I love you, too." Capturing her mouth with my own, I pulled her ever closer, reclining back with her as we continued to exchange words of love.

I might just become a morning person after all.

**AN And there you have it. I've been working on this story for quite awhile now**, **and it is a bit different from my usual style. Leave a comment to tell me what you think! **


End file.
